Smokin' in the Boys' Room
by Cyrelia J
Summary: Just a short off the cuff of Prussia and Austria sneaking a smoke dying a meeting break then Canada coming in with a different type of cigarette entirely. No graphic sex just silly humor and Canada pining for Germany and being otherwise invisible.


Note: I blame Tommy Chong for this one but I couldn't help it. I swear GerCan is weirdly growing on me.

* * *

"How long do we got?" Prussia swears under his breath as he flicks the near empty zippo trying to get the damn thing to light, cigarette held between his lips. Austria looks for something to hold the ancient bathroom window open before heaving a sigh and removing his shoe. He turns it lengthwise, leaning against the sink with his leg crossed as Prussia finally lights the cigarette shoving the lighter back in his pocket. He takes a long nearly orgasmic drag as Austria pulls out a pocket watch.

"How long is the break going to last or how long before Ludwig comes in here trying to catch us?" He holds his hand out waiting for Prussia to hand the cigarette off.

There's a white cylinder slipped between his fingers. He takes it without looking up, staring at the watch.

"What the hell do you think? Christ of all the shit West has to have the queen mother of all hard ons for…" Prussia blinks as Austria smokes and looks down seeing that yeah he's still holding the cigarette so- "Hey specs where'd you get that-" Austria coughs and almost drops his watch staring at what is clearly nota cigarette. He looks stupidly at Prussia, eyes going back and forth, the smell of marijuana starting to overtake the smell of tobacco. Prussia's eyes light up and he quickly puts out the cigarette on the brick outside the window letting it drop 3 stories to the ground.

"Hey, gimme that already will ya? That's about ten times better than that shit."

Austria waves in fresh cool air from outside as he catches his breath and Prussia takes a long smoke of the joint.

"Yeah… that's so fucking nice right there." He's about to hand it back to Austria when he hears a voice saying almost too quietly, "Hey keep it going to the left, eh?" Prussia looks and wonders how the hell he didn't see Canada there before except he looks to the now open middle stall that he thinks might've been closed before and realizes that the door's wide open. He chuckles and passes the joint to Canada who takes it with a happy silly smile just as Austria's face clears up. "Y'know… speaking of left… Al still calls these left handed cigarettes…" Canada giggles and Austria looks up, brows knit in confusion.

"Is someone there, Gilbert?" Prussia looks at him wondering just how strong that shit is when Canada waves a hand in front of his face with a small giggle.

"Helllooooo…" Canada keeps waving and Austria is looking right through him except somehow he knows to take the joint when it's passed. Prussia finds that just a little weird and he looks at Canada. Canada just shrugs and yawns but then has the sudden brilliant idea to poke at Austria's mole right as Austria hands the joint to Prussia. Prussia almost laughs right as smoke blows into Canada's face and he swears if Austria was a cat his tail would be sticking right up. Prussia snickers as Canada does it again with a lopsided smile and then Austria has the nerve to slap him of all things and he barely keeps the half smoked down cylinder from flying out of his mouth.

"Jesus Fucking Christ I know you and everyone else can't fucking see him but I'm telling you he's right here!" Canada waves again as Prussia hauls him up by the collar of his suit jacket practically throwing him into Austria.

"He's not gonna see me," Canada sings with another laugh. Austria stares right through him.

"Who?"

"It's Canada," Prussia says letting go and passing the joint.

"Ohhh Canadaaa…" Canada sings happily and Austria blink blinks seeming to see the outline of blonde hair coming into his vision like some sort of vision quest in the desert or… or a bathroom in Berlin… or something. Somehow he isn't quite sure.

"Wait…" He takes a long drag on the joint as it comes to him out of the blue. "That song…" Austria leans back against the wall beneath the window. "Canada… Mein Hut…" Prussia looks at him with a snicker and looks back at Canada.

"Yeah… America's hat, right," Canada glares at them both with a huff as he crosses his arms.

"Hey y'know maybe like… uh… maybe Al's like… my shoes eh? Why don't we call America, "Canada's shoes" for a change." He growls like a puppy as Prussia pats him on the head.

"He's a cute little hat, ain't he, four eyes?"

Austria puts the pocket watch away with a silly little grin that Prussia sure as hell isn't used to seeing outside the house.

"Cuter than me, Liebchen?" Prussia nearly drops the joint and just fucking stares at him. Austria makes what he thinks is an attempt at propriety by covering his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. He takes a side step closer almost falling over. Prussia is almost too stunned to speak as Austria says something else to him totally in German that Canada can't quite make out.

"Christ, Roddy we can't have more than a few minutes before West busts the door in and-"

"Ludwig?!" Canada practically squeaks head whipping around to look at the door like any second blonde ripped god is going to come barreling through the door shirtless and wet and whoa whatever stuff Tommy gave him on that last visit to Cali must be some kinda stuff 'cause normally his brain doesn't go from zero to horny that fast.

He looks down at the half hearted tan suit and yanks off the jacket.

"Whoa this isn't gonna cut I need like…" He looks at Austria wide eyed as he sees long fingers undoing the belt of Prussia's pants. Prussia for his part hardly seems to be making that much of a protest either. "Hey Gilbert I need like… uh… does he I mean Ludwig I mean er… like… wait oh God he'snotevengonnaseeme."

"Huh?" Prussia has no idea where that happy little joint went or maybe they smoked it all or heyyy yeah Austria is like trying to see if he can get his own clothes off and Prussia's at the same time with some more happy nonsense about beating the clock and shit, he's calling him by his full on formal title and Prussia thinks he makes some protest about Austria's pickiness and the dirty bathroom floor when Austria manages to yank Canada's jacket out of his hands dropping it on the ground with a declaration that that problem is solved.

"I… uh…" Canada isn't sure why he keeps watching the two of them but wow it sure seems way hotter in there when it did a moment ago and that still leaves the matter of Germany or… something? "So… your brother um… he…"

"Hey yeah, kid you're on duty." Prussia jerks his head towards the door and Canada looks again still seeing nothing but his own half naked imaginings only this time there's Germany with just a necktie and glasses and ohhh hello Prince Edward Island!

"I'm on…" Canada stares at his jacket and the growing pile of clothes and Austria says something about two minutes and Canada is wondering if he should be naked too except would Germany even see him then?!

"Yeah… yeah get on him already 'cause I don't know what you put in that shit kid but I want like a hundred euros worth when this thing's over and oh fuck…. where's you learn to do that, baby?"

Canada is kind of wondering the same thing as he turns his head sideways and… wow… yeah… that must've taken some practice and just as he's trying to solve the obvious issue of Germany blocking or mounting or… Is Austria double jointed?! That's it! The clothes! He sees Austria's clothes in a pile and way quicker than he thought possible as he nearly crashes into the sink Canada disrobes and throws on Austria's jacket and boots or they might be Prussia's he has no idea and… and well nothing else 'cause there's no way he's figuring out cravat and all those other weird little accessories in thirty seconds or something or… wait what?

"I'm just uh… borrowing er… something… H-Oh wow is that like a German thing or-" Canada almost screams like he's in one of America's slasher movies when the door starts to open and Canada gets a flash of that one Sugarhill Gang song whipping through his head all like "jump on it" and he's like "yeah I'm the one that shot Jesse James." And maybe Germany isn't exactly all oiled up and Adonis or… or maybe it's not even Germany actually now that he thinks about it.

"Germany" is quite a bit shorter than he recalls now that he takes stock of the situation and not half as built or blue eyes or eyebrows or…

"Daddy?" Or shit. Canada stares down at the flattened England looking at him like storms brewing over the Channel and oh God he's gonna die. He's gonna be like annexed and taken out behind the woodshed or-

"Mein Gott!" Or have Germany go tearing past him and England both into the bathroom and is there any possible way that he could spin this into a scenario where he still gets laid?! Canada sits back- er is thrown back actually doing a rather impressive backwards roll nearly bowling Germany over as he screams about turning the hose on Prussia and Austria. He's thankful Quebec didn't break 'cause the last thing he needs is civil unrest or-

"Matthew A. Williams…" Yeah no. Definitely not getting laid today. But then again from the sounds of it, he thinks, neither are Austria or Prussia.


End file.
